What`s Your Default Setting?

A few days ago I developed an obnoxious case of sore throat. You know the kind: when it`s painful to swallow anything, and the more you speak the worse it gets.

This irritated me to no end (and not just my throat), because of course a sore throat would come just days before the performance for which I have been training for over six months. And of course it would come while my husband is still himself unwell, having just injured his shoulder, and can therefore do little to take care of me.

The more I thought about these frustrations, the more things I found to be frustrated about. Of course my son chose this week to be more messy and loud than normal, of course this week there are a dozen unfinished tasks needing attention, of course there is a mountain of dishes while my husband and I, both feeling like invalids, silently wait and see who will cave in and clean up (spoilers: it is always me).

But the other day, while laying in bed willing myself to get up, I had a thought. Is everything really as bad as I perceive it to be? Or is some inner battle coloring my perception?

As I gave that idea attention, I finally acknowledged something that I have been avoiding for a long time: I am a pity-holic.

When I am in need of my pity fix, I hover around the house like a heavy fog, with a long face and a tendency to exaggerate everything that troubles me. I do it because I am looking for love, for appreciation of all the hard work I do, and for help and support.

But instead of asking clearly for those things, my requests take the form of seeking pity. And the more I approach things in this way, the harder it is to exist from a place of joy.

Which leads me to the opening question: What is your Default Setting?

I think we can all agree that our normal way of functioning should stem from happiness, right? We go about our lives, things are good, we are happy. Something is hard, or goes wrong, we are less happy. We struggle, we learn, we grow and overcome the struggle, we return to happiness. Isn`t that how the story is supposed to go?

Today, I need to confess to you that lately my default setting has not been happiness. It has been moping, stalling and pity-seeking. And when we choose to let ourselves exist in this way, the story goes like this: We are unhappy. Something goes wrong, we are even less happy. With a low likelihood of getting motivated enough to change, we stay unhappy, hoping something outside of us will Deus Ex Machina our story and save the day.

And that just doesn`t work.

We write our story. We choose the emotional settings with which we function. No one else makes those choices for us. I am sorry to admit that I wasted several days waiting for someone else to make me feel better, when the one person who could was right there all along.

And now, she`s figured it out.

So, tell me. What is your Default Setting nowadays? Are you happy with it? If not, what can we (because we here at BIAM are on your team!) do to change it?

Happy week :)