A note on waiting

I am waiting for the grand day when I am free to really, truly, become what I am meant. to be. 

I am waiting for the day when I can once again think a complete thought, write a complete paragraph, do a complete action, without my baby’s cries or my husband’s TV watching tugging my attention away. 

I am waiting for the day I can choose the trajectory of my life, to choose points A and B, and the means by which I traverse those points. 

I am waiting for the day when I can finally find clarity in who I am, when I can settle into my chosen identity, and when I can flourish In my me-ness.

I am waiting for the day when I can speak words of truth and love and compassionate power, and stand strong with my two feet planted in sureness of what I believe.

I am waiting for that golden morning of lasting inner peace, of radiance from within out onto every decision I make, and of tranquil nights of muscles relaxing and eyes closing in full satisfaction, knowing that the day was truly lived. 

And yet, as my aching heart tearfully hands word after word to my waiting fingertips, a little voice from somewhere sits, watching, shaking its head. It knows that what I yearn for needs not to be waited for. 

It knows that those tiny moments of grace - those nap times and unexpected waking while baby still dreams, those calm walks in the park where his little hand wraps around my finger, and he looks up and smiles at me, just because - those moments matter. 

They are so easily lost in the surging currents of “not enough-ness” that can flood our days with feelings of panic, of disconnection, of loss.

We panic because life isn’t what we expected. We disconnect with this moment now. We lose moments that are overflowing with grace, thrusting them aside in pursuit of something else - a something else that, in wanting it now, we drift ever farther from.

I am waiting for the day when I can find peace in what IS, when I learn to carry today’s harvest - however small - into tomorrow’s feast. 

And that is something which I don’t have to wait for.

Beautiful moments are happening right now. Even the waiting moments can be beautiful - life changing, even - we see them as they are meant to be seen.

When we stop seeing waiting as a burden or a chore, and instead choose to see it as a moment, pure and true, a moment dripping with fullness and life, then we too become full. 

That fullness becomes something that we can share, even in something as little as a smile to a passing stranger. It multiplies, it gains strength, and it gives life. 

It can change the world, but only if we choose to let it in.

So here I am, trying. Waiting, with my heart’s arms open. 

Vulnerable. 

But hopeful. 

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This post is inspired by a fantastic book called The In-Between, by Jeff Goins. If you are feeling stuck in an "In-Between" moment in your life, definitely give it a read!

Should we really be following "Do What You Love, Love What You Do?"

A friend recently shared an article from Slate Magazine, entitled “Stop Saying ‘Do What You Love, Love What You Do.’ It Devalues Actual Work.” 

Intrigued, I gave it a glance, which became a read, which became clicking to the second page (how often do we actually read articles spanning multiple pages anymore?!), which became a moment paused in reflection. 

How often have I found my own heart dancing to the rhythm of those words? Will those words lead us to that wistful destination we so often dream of - a place of healthy work-life balance and true, profound fulfillment for not only ourselves, but for everyone?

Before I elaborate, let me break this article down for you TL;DR-ers:

The author, Miya Tokumitsu, argues that the notion of “Do What You Love” or DWYL for short is an ideal encouraged by those of privilege, those who can spring for advanced degrees, who can get help from parents or spouses while slaving away at unpaid internships, doing it as a “labor of love” in anticipation for that glorious future when they can earn income by doing what feels good and authentic to their passion. 

Those who have no choice but to wait tables, stock shelves or pick crops are most likely not doing that work out of some great love of the work; they do it because they have to, and by society continuing to idealize the lifestyle of DWYL, they are choosing to turn a blind eye to jobs and workers without which and whom our infrastructure would crumble. 

As I lay in bed, article in hand, helping my little one drift off to sleep, I couldn’t help but examine my own career aspirations which, yes, have been motivated by that golden mantra. I mean, who doesn’t want to make money doing something that they love, something that feels custom fitted to their essence? Even after reading this article, I maintain that this is a good aspiration.

What this article taught me is that, nice as dream as DWYL is, it is a dream offered to the privileged. 

How often do you think of yourself as privileged? If you have internet access in your home, if you have a bank account containing more than you or your spouse’s most recent paycheck, if you have numerous choices for tonight’s dinner plans, you are privileged. If you have nurtured dreams of writing or teaching or creating for a living, you are privileged. Even more so if your family supports you in having those dreams. 

Regardless, we as Mothers know a thing or two about Doing What You Love and Loving What You Do. If we didn’t, we would not survive the days upon months upon years of being a hair’s width away from insanity, and then seeing our little one smile or say, “I love you, Mama,” and suddenly wondering why we were angry in the first place. If anyone knows about DWYL, it’s us. 

Tokumitsu gets that. She argues that the DWYL mantra has helped perpetuate gender-based pay inequality, stating that many feminized industries - fashion, art, education - thrive by exploiting women in low-paying positions, tantalizing them with doing the labor “for the love of it.” She suggests that this continues because women have always been sacrificers, and are thus used to being paid in feelings.

What’s your take on the article? Do you agree with the author? Is its possible to utilize DWYL in a healthy way? Sound off below!