What`s Your Default Setting?

A few days ago I developed an obnoxious case of sore throat. You know the kind: when it`s painful to swallow anything, and the more you speak the worse it gets.

This irritated me to no end (and not just my throat), because of course a sore throat would come just days before the performance for which I have been training for over six months. And of course it would come while my husband is still himself unwell, having just injured his shoulder, and can therefore do little to take care of me.

The more I thought about these frustrations, the more things I found to be frustrated about. Of course my son chose this week to be more messy and loud than normal, of course this week there are a dozen unfinished tasks needing attention, of course there is a mountain of dishes while my husband and I, both feeling like invalids, silently wait and see who will cave in and clean up (spoilers: it is always me).

But the other day, while laying in bed willing myself to get up, I had a thought. Is everything really as bad as I perceive it to be? Or is some inner battle coloring my perception?

As I gave that idea attention, I finally acknowledged something that I have been avoiding for a long time: I am a pity-holic.

When I am in need of my pity fix, I hover around the house like a heavy fog, with a long face and a tendency to exaggerate everything that troubles me. I do it because I am looking for love, for appreciation of all the hard work I do, and for help and support.

But instead of asking clearly for those things, my requests take the form of seeking pity. And the more I approach things in this way, the harder it is to exist from a place of joy.

Which leads me to the opening question: What is your Default Setting?

I think we can all agree that our normal way of functioning should stem from happiness, right? We go about our lives, things are good, we are happy. Something is hard, or goes wrong, we are less happy. We struggle, we learn, we grow and overcome the struggle, we return to happiness. Isn`t that how the story is supposed to go?

Today, I need to confess to you that lately my default setting has not been happiness. It has been moping, stalling and pity-seeking. And when we choose to let ourselves exist in this way, the story goes like this: We are unhappy. Something goes wrong, we are even less happy. With a low likelihood of getting motivated enough to change, we stay unhappy, hoping something outside of us will Deus Ex Machina our story and save the day.

And that just doesn`t work.

We write our story. We choose the emotional settings with which we function. No one else makes those choices for us. I am sorry to admit that I wasted several days waiting for someone else to make me feel better, when the one person who could was right there all along.

And now, she`s figured it out.

So, tell me. What is your Default Setting nowadays? Are you happy with it? If not, what can we (because we here at BIAM are on your team!) do to change it?

Happy week :)

Contentment

Last night, as I lay in bed, I found myself feeling something highly unusual. 

Most nights, I easily spend my final waking moments worrying about something, or feeling uneasy about the direction my life has taken, and often feeling sorry for myself. 

Tonight, I lay there listing the things that had been accomplished, noticing the smile on my face and the glow in my heart. There was no spectacular reason for such things, it had been an ordinary day. Nothing I had achieved had been so special.

Somehow today I noticed the good things more. And the more I appreciated them, the more they seemed to bloom around me. Feeling that way surprised myself.

We feel pressure to never be satisfied with ourselves, because that would mean getting comfortable, and settling for low achievements when this war torn world needs us to think and be bigger. We feel like we always have to be wrestling with ourselves. But I can attest to the truth that never sitting back and lovingly acknowledging the good of the now, can strip us of our energy, our life source. 

We`ve heard it all before, but it`s worth saying again. To give, we must have something to give. Giving to yourself replenishes us and and gives us the jolt we need to get back into the game of giving. 

Take a look at your life. Smile. Do a happy dance. You`re doing good.  

Perspective

When I switch out my everyday life eyes in exchange for my more objective eyes (and a camera is a great way to do so), I realize how lucky I am. I live in one of the most beautiful places on earth, with a beautiful family, a stable lifestyle, and enough free time to spend a few moments here with you.

Too often we forget how great our lives are. We tend to drift afloat a sea of seemingly harmless negative thoughts. You know the ones I`m talking about. “Geez, the minute I clean the house it just gets dirty again, what`s the point?” or “He never compliments me, I guess I shouldn`t expect much from him” or “So much to do, so little time. When`s my chance to do what I really want?”

A good friend once told me, “Our minds are like a search engine. If we search for "reasons why my life isn`t good enough", it will produce a plenty of reasons. But it works just as well in reverse. The key thing with both, is that we decide what to search for.”

Am I an expert in eliminating the stress of raising kids? Do I have the secret to finding and pursuing a passion? NOPE, not even close. But I can tell you that remembering the power and the capacity our own minds have in determining how we view our lives, can be incredibly helpful. 

Because sometimes all we need is that little adjustment in perspective to find the clarity we seek. 

Letting Yourself Off the Hook

Some days, it`s better to not think too much about whatever bugs you. Today, instead of doing my usual bunch of errands and emails and things online, I decided to focus on my son. Just him and I.  

I chose to let the little things be bigger, like when we play catch and he runs after the ball shrieking with delight. Or how happy it makes him to read together. Or how he would spin me around in my office chair, and his giddy peals of laughter remind me so much of the one little boy that, during my pregnancy, I really hoped my son would someday resemble. All these moments would have been lost on me if I absentmindedly smiled and nodded at him while the rest of my mind remained stuck in my broken record of worries. 

So what if the dishes don't get done, or if we don't have a spectacular dinner tonight. So what if I don`t find all the answers I`m looking for. Today is going to be a day of moments. 

And you know what, some of those things happened anyway! The house stayed somewhat tidy, dinner turned out good... Being in the moment and choosing not to stress out resulted in being more fluid in my productivity, and helped to keep the perception of my worries from ballooning into something they do not have to be. 

Mamahood is tough work. And I`m sure you all have heard the phrase “Enjoy it, it passes so fast” more times than you would like to recall. But most clichés become cliché because there is something universally true about it., and this one is no exception.

Tuning out for a while from ever-present worries, and also from technology (seriously, I won`t be offended if this blog post actually compels you to close your laptop right now!) will help you to tune IN to what really matters: the loved ones who surround you.

So, go love them, and let their presence bring you love.

GO!

For more motivation to unplug, watch this brilliant poem entitled “Look Up"