On Showing Up

Last week I was invited to a conference for church leaders throughout Europe, which was held in Venice, Italy. This was the first time I had the chance to attend a leaders’ conference, and it was a pleasure to feel a part of something that big, that meaningful, and that full of potential to shape our church’s future.

I knew it would be a challenge to bring my eighteen month old son, without any family to help me. I knew I would face the toughest moments of the trip when my son would want to do the exact opposite of what my heart yearned for. Trumie didn’t disappoint - so of course I was disappointed.

As he pulled me through parking lots and along the street, determined to see and touch every car he could, I screamed inwardly "We're in ITALY! We didn't come here to see cars, we can see those at home!" At one point, I broke down in tears, wishing I could experience the event like everyone else.

But through it all, I knew that participating for only five percent - or even point-five percent - of the event was a whole lot more than nothing. Hastily handing someone a business card as my son tugs me away is much more productive than sitting at home imagining I were there.

As we left the conference, one woman encouraged me to "stay brave".  

I knew what she meant, and I knew why she meant it. Mothers of young children are often seen as life's benched participants - they may be talented, intelligent and capable, but they are expected to sit out of the big leagues until their little ones can be cared for by someone else. 

To those who think that way, I ask you: Who decided that? Who made those rules?

I believe that if we really want to win this game of life - of finding fulfillment, purpose and balance - we have to rewrite some of the rules. Because these rules were written by us, not by the higher power that created us. 

To all my fellow mamas of young children, I beg of you:

Show up. 

Let people see you show up. 

Because seeing you there, kid in tow, will slowly but profoundly change the way they see you. Even if you can only be available for one minute, even if you can have only one conversation and share just one thought or one idea, do it. 

Because to not do it, is to achieve less than nothing. Doing nothing is stepping back. It is waving your white flag to the universe, crying out “I give up! It's true, I really don't have it in me to become what I yearn to be." 

To which I say, hell NO!

The world needs who you are right now, this exact version of you. The one with the spit up stains on her shoulder, without immaculate hair and clothes, whose child always seems to want to be somewhere else. 

Your unique vantage point on the world is needed, because without you, how would we understand the world the way you see it? 

Also, do not be afraid to accept help. During the conference, some friends of mine started just stepping in and occupying my son when they could see I was engaged in a conversation. No questions asked. They knew that in that moment, they could help me, and that was a powerfully kind act on their part, because I was that much more free to connect with others. 

So when you see someone willing to lend a hand or spare a moment, let them. Don't fall into Mommy Martyr Mode, assuming that no one would ever want to bear the burden of your child. Guess what: they might actually enjoy it!

Likewise, when you see someone struggling with something that you could help them with, do it. I think we all know how the Golden Rule works, right?

If we all make these small but brave choices when confronted with difficulties, I guarantee you: this world is gonna change. Conferences and leaders' events will become more family friendly, and all you Mamas feeling stuck on the sidelines can stand up, shine your light, and LEAD! 

And the world will be so much better for it.